The Mysteries of Weight Loss and Gain

I know that 3500 calories equals a pound. So they say. But how is it that I can eat 1600 to 1800 calories a day, and burn off at least a thousand calories in exercise most days, and yet not lose weight? How can my weight still be up 4-5 pounds since Thanksgiving, if that means that I would have consumed 17,500 calories more than I needed over that weekend, despite eating fairly sensibly and running nine miles on Friday and ten miles on Sunday, plus moderate workouts on Thursday and Saturday? WHY WHY WHY?

(Even if I am consuming more calories than I estimate, there should still be a significant deficit.)

Clearly my body needs far fewer calories to survive than most people, and can exercise for hours without really burning off any calories at all. That is the only explanation, dammit!

And the 480 calorie Starbucks eggnog scone I ate yesterday? (This is the first Starbucks scone I have eaten in three years, so sue me!) Is that why I weighed two pounds more this morning than yesterday morning (after I finished a 7.8 mile run, yet—of course I did not sweat at all during this run, since it was so cold and wet outside)?

Life sucks!

(Luckily I am not depressed enough to go eat a box of cookies. I am, however, waiting for my sister to arrive with my second nonfat latte of the day. Suck down the caffeine to pump up my metabolism, I say!)

Marathon Challenge

Today was the New York City Marathon. While thousands of brave runners were slogging away at their 26.2 miles, I ran my own mini-marathon, about one third the length of a full marathon. An eight or nine mile long run, or a half-marathon race, is pretty much long enough for me. I'm quite sure I don't want to run a full marathon. There's a tiny bit of me that wonders if I should--but mostly I know that I don't need to or really want to.

But I admire those who do. Like the runners in today's New York Marathon, or the participants in NOVA's Marathon Challenge, the subject of a show aired this last week on PBS. Don't fret about missing it, you can still watch it online, or eventually order the DVD.

The Marathon Challenge follows thirteen novice runners train for and eventually run in the Boston Marathon. In addition to following the progress of the runners, the program includes information on health and fitness that is relevant to anyone, not just runners. I enjoyed it thoroughly, and was quite choked up at the end! Sadly, the TV program is only an hour long (I would have liked to see more), but there is additional material on the website.

Read a good book

A few months ago I started compiling a list of books I've enjoyed on my weight loss journey. Look at it here.

Back in time

August 2004
I am about to turn 39 and I am aware of my desire to lose weight and get myself in shape by the time I turn 40. Still, I do nothing.

October 2004
Over the last few months I have gradually gained back the weight I lost (about 50 pounds, I think) back in 2001. Gradually all the great clothes I bought as a result of that weight loss have been shoved to the back of the closet. I'm down to a few things that I can still reasonably squeeze myself into... and they're a little snug. And/or wearing out. I resign myself - I will need to go shopping and buy a few new things "until I lose weight."

And that stops me in my tracks. How ridiculous is this? I have a closet full of nice clothes I can't wear and I'm thinking of spending money on still more clothes.

If that isn't bad enough, when I do go shopping for a few emergency pieces (just to hold me over), it is very hard to find anything that fits well, let alone looks good. I refuse to go outside of Macy's Women's World department. Bigger than their biggest sizes is not an option.

And somehow, that is the kick in the size 24 pants that I needed. I am not going to spend money on more, bigger clothes when I have lots of not quite so big clothes that I could wear with a little work.

That was my motivation, now I just needed a plan. It's not like I don't know how to eat to lose weight. (I just don't do it.) What works for me is a modified low carb, low glycemic plan based on Dr. Perricone's anti-aging food diets. Salmon, salad, blueberries, and younger skin too. (A year later, he would publish a diet book, The Perricone Weight-Loss Diet.)

And my inspiration? As an attorney for juveniles, I worked with kids in drug court and frequently saw them heading off to in-patient treatment when the out-patient wasn't working. About this time, one of my favorite clients had agreed to go to in-patient for the first time. This was a 16 or 17 year old kid who had never really been away from home, and he agreed to leave his family and everything familiar for 35 days in this program. The idea was that in the 35 days he would learn the skills and tools to be successful in recovery in the community.

I took that 35-day plan and adapted it for myself. I committed to 35 days of strictly following my food plan (which included eschewing sugar, flour, potatoes, rice, pasta, etc.--anything white and starchy), with the idea that after 35 days I would have kicked my addictions and internalized my new eating plan.

November 8, 2004
Day 1. The beginning!

I am not a nice person.

Actually I am a nice person, most of the time. I try to be polite and friendly to people (I am generally a wimp), and I never really judge people on their appearances (not aloud, anyway). I certainly don't judge people based on their weight or size! For heavens sake, I would be a huge hypocrite if I did, when you think of where I came from. (Although I suspect a lot of formerly fat people are all too ready to criticize other heavy people.)

However. When I am running a race - 5K, 10K, half marathon - all bets are off. My judgmental character takes off faster than the starting gun. And all my wild criticisms are aimed at the runners in front of me.

Mostly I am talking about women. I've already figured that I can't really compete with most men - simply by being taller than me they are going to have an advantage of speed. (It is quite irritating to be running hard and still barely able to keep pace with a long-legged guy who barely seems to be loping along.)

So, unless the men are very old or actually crippled, they don't factor into my mental bitchiness. (But if they are very old or crippled, let the judgments fly. Take that, 90-year-old man with a walker! I'm passing you! Haha, man with a wooden leg - you can't beat me!) (Or alternatively, very young - just you wait, 10-year-old boy sprinting ahead! I'll be passing you up when your little body wears out! And I'll laugh when I do it!)

But I'm a little more subtle with women. Particularly those who run about the same pace as me. After all, they're the only ones around for me to mock. My mental comments go something like this....

Look at that girl ahead of me... she is definitely a lot fatter than me. How come she's ahead of me? Now that one, she has big boobs and a roll around the belly, but her legs are thin. That other one has chubby arms (shouldn't be wearing a sleeveless top), but not the same kind of batwings that I do (which is why I will only be wearing sleeveless at the beach). Now the one in pink, she's just younger than me. But that other one, talk about bad running form - her feet are flapping all over the place. How'd she get ahead of me? And why is she staying there?

And finally... why did it take me half the race to catch up with someone who is walking and pushing a baby buggy?

Running for Fun

I am not, by any interpretation of the word, a fast runner. In a race, I am not quite the tortoise, but I am definitely no gazelle (or any other kind of fast moving animal). My "best" pace has been about an eight and a half minute mile in a 5 mile or 10K race, and my typical racing pace is close to nine minutes per mile.

Yet I continue to enter road races, and I have no intention of stopping. My only real competition is myself, although that person just ahead of me is a target too. Somehow, in a race I am able to increase my rather slow and plodding weekday running pace by a minute or more (perhaps a lot more) per mile, and I really don't know how this is possible. The adrenaline of the race? The runners surrounding me that I try to keep pace with or pass? I just don't know.

However, as a workout or training exercise, that is exactly why I do it. I run about four days a week at a comfortable pace, and I know I still get a good workout doing so. But the races are the jolt to the metabolism, the extra kick in the pants that I can't seem to give myself when running the streets alone.

Maybe I'm burning the same 100 calories per mile that I would at a slower pace... but at least I'm getting it done a lot quicker!

And I sure have a lot of race shirts to wear to the Y.

Here I am as a ghost (in orange) in a Halloween 10K last weekend.

In Defense of Faux Foods

I’m all about natural, wholesome foods. Fresh fruits and vegetables, eggs, fish and poultry, lean beef, small amounts of nuts and whole grains. That’s what I build my meals on. No Lean Cuisine frozen dinners, “diet food,” or sugar free Jello for me (although if you like Jello, the sugar free kind is really a free food). My goal was to lose my taste for sweets and unhealthy foods, so that I would crave good, fresh, whole foods. And it has worked very well. I honestly do crave turkey and vegetables and plain yoghurt and cottage cheese. (The only “fake food” that I have persistently hung onto is diet coke. I need to keep at least one vice!)

However. Sometimes you do want something different than salads and plain meat. Sometimes you want to eat “normal” food—but still don’t want to sabotage yourself with hundreds of excess calories. Nor do you want to eat such a tiny portion of the “normal” food that you can’t get no satisfaction!

So I have allowed myself to occasionally delve into the world of food substitutions. Other than the diet coke, of course, which I’ve continued to indulge in over the years. My first surrender was to sugar-free Fudgsicles, 40 calories of creamy chocolatey goodness apiece, which means that I can eat two as a bedtime snack for the same calories as a simple apple! (“Two” is a big thing with me.)

I have also created for myself a hot dog with the works for a fraction of the calories in a regular hot dog. A standard wiener has at least 150 calories, and up to 300 or more calories for Polish sausage or similar franks. A hot dog bun has about 200 calories! Instead, I choose a Ballpark fat-free beef frankfurter at 50 calories, and instead of a bun I use a piece of low calorie whole grain bread such as Franz bread, which has only 40 calories per slice. My favorite condiments, mustard, relish, sauerkraut, chopped onions, jalapenos, have virtually no calories, so each hot dog all put together has about 100 calories. (Yes, I can have two.)

With my hot dog(s) I like to have cole slaw. This really isn’t a substitution, it’s just a healthier version of regular slaw. The dressing is a spoonful of light mayonnaise mixed with plenty of apple cider vinegar and a little Splenda to take the edge off. Mix up plenty of chopped cabbage, broccoli slaw, and other chopped vegetables such as onion, bell pepper, cucumber and celery, and toss with the dressing. Eat as much as you want!

Then for the baked beans. Actually, regular baked beans aren’t too bad at 140 calories per half cup. However, you can improve them a little bit (and increase the size of your portion) by mixing ¼ cup of the baked beans (70 calories) with ½ cup canned kidney beans (100 calories). The plain beans will take on the flavor of the baked beans, and you’ll hardly know the difference. You might want to jazz them up at bit by adding a few shakes of chipotle Tabasco sauce. I like to divide the ¾ cup serving in half…so I can have seconds.

A couple of times this summer I indulged in a delicious fruit and chocolate crepe at the Sunday Farmer’s Market. When the market ended at the end of September, so did the crepes. But I have come up with a way to sort of recreate the crepe experience, in a lower calorie, somewhat healthier way. I started with a box of whole grain lowfat freezer waffles from the grocery store (140 calories for two waffles). To top the waffles I thawed a bowl of unsweetened frozen blueberries and raspberries, which I sweetened with a little Splenda. My garnishes are somewhat fake—fat free Cool Whip and sugar-free Hershey’s syrup, both 15 calories per two-tablespoon serving. I fix the waffles one at a time—yes, so I can go back for seconds. On the side I have two pieces of turkey bacon, which is both a fake food and a real food in its own right!

Thanksgiving is a wonderful time for real, healthy foods. (Yes, really!) My Thanksgiving staples are the wonderful turkey, roasted sweet potatoes, and my ubiquitous green salad. But I have also come up with some light versions of other Thanksgiving foods. Many years ago I modified a traditional Jello salad recipe with sugar-free Jello for my grandmother. This is a recipe that is well known in the annals of Jello dishes… I prepare sugar-free raspberry Jello with unsweetened apple sauce and mix in thawed frozen raspberries, then chill in the fridge. The topping, which traditionally involved min-marshmallows, is now fat-free sour cream sweetened with Splenda. It’s yummy, and the applesauce and raspberries immensely improve the texture of the jello! Actually, most Jello recipes can be made with sugar-free Jello, saving considerably in calories and, of course, sugar.

I also made a reduced sugar version of cranberry sauce. I cooked some fresh cranberries with water so that they soften, then sweeten with Splenda and then stir in some Polaner all-fruit spread for sweetness and thickening. It is just as delicious as “real” cranberry sauce, maybe more so!

I rarely eat pasta, and when I do I try to choose whole grain pasta. My only real trick with pasta is to mix it with a lot of vegetables, to create bulk and quantity without too much actual pasta. I dress it with a half cup of healthy marinara sauce, and garnish with a half (or whole) ounce of parmesan grated on my microplane grater. You can do the same thing with spaghetti squash, and don’t need to be as frugal with the squash as with real pasta!

Most of the time it’s better, and easier, to stick with plain, healthy natural foods. But on occasion, I say go ahead and go crazy with a low calorie substitute food. It’s fun!

The Beach Walk Adventure

A week or so ago I decided to forego my evening trip to the Y and go walk on the beach at my parents’ house instead. The bright sunny afternoon promised to be one of the last great days of summer, and I didn’t want to waste it in a stuffy gym.

One problem, though—by the time I was able to get away from work around 5:00 or so, there wasn’t much of a beach to go to. The tide was coming in (high at 6:00), and most of the sandy beach would be covered by water. In fact, I got down to the beach just before high tide. But lucky for me, it wasn’t an exceptionally high tide that day, and even at the highest point there were patches of sand every so often. To make my way along, I drew upon childhood skills and memories, wading through shallow water and climbing along the network of logs that decorates the shore.

The beach is a different world when you are walking the logs. The usual beach profile includes the logs alongside the bank, then layers of sand and rocks (depending on where you are and what the tide has washed in), and sometimes a stretch of mudflats when the tide is out, and finally the water lapping the shore. The atmosphere is open and expansive, offering plenty of space to walk and run (for people and dogs alike). But when the tide comes in, your world narrows to a more confined space, a matter of yards between the bank and the water, often shadowed by overhanging trees and branches.

If I were younger I would play the game we used to play, allowing myself to walk only on logs without touching sand or water, climbing and jumping between them. “There are sharks in the water!” we used to say, to add to the challenge. (Although there may be an occasional dog shark in the bay, sharks swarming along the shoreline has never been a problem.) But in my adulthood I spurned the challenge, walking on the logs where I chose to (or where I had no choice), and splashing though the water or strolling the islands of sand when I wanted.
My balancing ability, honed by repetitions of the “tree” pose in yoga class, is pretty good, and I had little worry of falling as I walked along the narrow logs. But my balance skills are perhaps not quite as good as when I was a child, or at least my fear of falling is greater, because my knees wobbled a little whenever I got too high off the ground! So I (mostly) stayed off the higher logs that were suspended over water.

The hillside is covered blackberry bramble bushes, and in the late summer the berries are ripe and juicy. While these wild growing blackberry vines are a menace in the garden, on the beach they are a treat, both to the birds and to passersby wanting to pick a juicy purple snack. I climbed my way along the beach, stopping every so often to pick and eat handfuls of warm blackberries (appreciating the high fiber content of their seediness). Once last summer I brought a bowl down to the beach and picked probably a quart or more, which I took home and froze to eat with yoghurt or oatmeal. But today I just picked and ate, until boredom and satiety forced me on my way.

At White Rock (a large white-painted rock about three quarters of a mile down the beach, which has been a landmark for as long as I can remember), the tide was in far enough that my only route past was over the logs and trees surrounding White Rock. It’s a fairly easy path, though, because there is a wooden platform, perhaps a washed up dock or raft, which bridges the area behind White Rock. For the adult me it was an easy scramble past. For the child in me, or the memories of the child I was, it was a tempting stage, a pirate ship or perhaps Huck Finn’s river raft, poised over the lapping waves. I did not stop to sail the imaginary seas (or river), but I thought enviously of the fun we would have had there thirty years ago.

By this time the tide had turned, and more stretches of beach were accessible. I made my way toward Mission Beach (another quarter of a mile or so on), alternating between my path of logs and sand. When I approached Mission Beach I walked as far as I could along the bulkhead lined beach, until I reached a point where there was no more open beach. I took that as a sign that it was time to turn around and head home. Since the hour was approaching 7:00, it seemed like a good time to start back anyway, before it started to get dark. I had walked about a mile and a quarter, and had the same distance to return.

On the way back I kept more to the beach, walking briskly on the soft sand and rocks. I was no longer tempted by blackberries or imaginary ships—I wanted to get home and have dinner. The adventure was ending and reality beckoned. I reached the beach house and began climbing the stairs as the setting sun turned the sky pink and gold over the water. Perhaps tomorrow would be another beautiful late summer day.

My Birthday

My birthday has come and gone, back in August. I've survived the various birthday dinners and lunches, and accompanying splurges (only one really outrageous, involving dinner with girlfriends, cocktails, sweet potato fries, and dessert). I've eaten cake without descending into diet hell. I have managed all this despite not only my birthday in August, but several friends and family members' in July, August, and early September.

Birthdays are a time of celebration, no matter how old you are. As a child, you celebrate getting older and getting closer to the expected rewards and privileges of maturity. (Although, once you are older, those rewards are less appealing. Once you get past 16 (driver's license), 18 (voting), and 21 (legal drinking), age related bonuses diminish quickly. Maybe being able to rent a car at 25, but that's about it! Oh, running for president at 35 is a big one, if you're into that kind of thing.) When you are middle-aged to old (and far be it from me to determine what age constitutes those milestones), a birthday signifies survival for another year! And that's nothing to sneeze at.

Now that I'm over 40 (okay, 42), I find that I am neither excited about my age nor overly disturbed about it. Turning 40 was a big deal, and I'm horrified over the idea of nearing 50 (many, many years in the future), and 45 I'm not too thrilled about either. But right now, early 40's, I'm okay with.

I was 39 when I made the commitment to turn my life around and get into shape by the time I was 40. I first came up with that idea when I was turning 38, but it took me a full year to get on the right track. Actually, it took me almost three months past my 39th birthday before I really committed.

By the time I hit 40 I had lost about 100 pounds and had changed my life and appearance immensely. I was by no means "done," but the changes were huge (literally). It took another six to nine months before I got to a weight where I have been relatively stable ever since. Stable in that "I need to lose 5, 10, 20 pounds and then I'll be done" kind of way.

I think of my birthday as a kind of New Year, when I reflect on my life and set my goals for the year to come. Like New Year's resolutions, my goals are always pretty similar each year. Lose weight (a little bit more), exercise (keep up the good work, improve where necessary), spend less money and pay off bills. My specific goals for this year are:

• Reach my reasonable goal weight and stay there.
• Incorporate weight training into my fitness plan.
• Work with a personal trainer at least a few times.
• Find out what my body fat percentage really is, and perhaps do some additional fitness tests/measurements.
• Run the Whidbey Half Marathon on April 13 and the Robie Creek Half Marathon in Boise on April 19 (two half marathons in a week will be the closest I ever plan to running a marathon).
• Get my house back into shape.
• Work on my garden.
• Clean out my closets of excess clothes and make room for what remains.
• Spend less money and pay off some bills (some things never change).

Just for fun, here are some fantasy goals too....

• Be in the audience of the Oprah show.
• Run a half marathon in England (a fantasy only because it's in this year's list - the following year it might be feasible, when I can afford another trip to England and/or the exchange rate goes down).
• Write a weight loss article/book for publication (isn't that what bloggers do?).
• Get an arm tuck (if we're talking fantasy, there's a number of other tucks I would like as well!).
• Go to some social events where I can wear the fantastic dressy outfits I seem to have accumulated.

So, here's to birthdays, goals, resolutions, wishes and dreams. Check back in a year and we'll see how I've done!

The Labor of Weight Loss

How many people do you know who can successfully hold down a full-time job, and/or maintain a household (not me), and/or raise their kids without losing or killing them (again, not me, because I luckily don't have any kids), but yet cannot manage to stick to a weight loss or exercise program?

So many people are able to cope with job, home, and family - even when it's not fun, even when it's downright unpleasant - but fail when it comes to establish an eating and exercise program that could improve and perhaps save their lives. I guess with the job and kids we know we don't have any choice. We do the work even when we don't like it, because we have to, and the alternative is unacceptable (unemployment, letting the kids starve). (The other, taking care of the house, is something some of us have learned we can let slide without too horrible consequences. But undoubtedly our lives would be better if we got it together in that arena too.)

I think I finally succeeded in losing weight and keeping it off when I started treating diet and exercise like a job - something I have to do whether I like it or not, which may be unpleasant at the time but ultimately offers me rewards greater than the pain I have suffered.

And I have to keep plugging away at it day after day, into a future that stretches ahead of me with no foreseeable ending point. (Reaching a point of retirement is not something I can imagine right now!) Sure, I'll have vacations when I can get away and let myself have some fun (for example, eating scones and cream in England), but then I'll be back on the treadmill again (figuratively and literally), probably working harder than ever to make up for my hiatus.

This probably sounds rather dreary and depressing. It really shouldn't be. To continue the job analogy, I don't hate my (real) job. There are moments when I hate it. There are moments when I really love it. And there's a lot of time when I just do it, plugging through the monotony and periodic frustrations, enjoying the small successes and, of course, financial rewards.

My other job, losing weight and maintaining weight loss, running and exercising regularly, is such an ingrained part of my life that most of the time I can now do it on relative auto-pilot. I know pretty much what I'm going to eat each meal, I know when I am going running and when I am going to the Y, and I'm pretty good about sticking to that routine even despite the temptations of the outside world.

And the rewards have been huge. Well over a hundred pounds lost, maintained for over a year, and the ability to run half-marathons and still live to run another day! Furthermore, I love (well, really like) what I eat, and I like the feeling I get when I'm running and working out (especially afterward).

Will I ever retire from diet and exercise? I think I'll be like the job retirees that move on to other pursuits. Someday, when I'm too old to run, I'll still be walking and maybe take up swimming (hard to imagine that, though). Older people seem to have more delicate appetites, so maybe I'll be able to exchange my jumbo-sized vegetable salads for the small portions of "real" foods that naturally thin people eat. By that time (another 40 years, at least), I'll be a naturally thin person myself!

Read this article

Back in February I wrote about the perils of social drinking and weight loss (still a worthy topic). Back then I mentioned an article in More magazine by Laura Fraser which I enjoyed immensely. It is now available on-line, and can be read by clicking here. While you're at it, read this other article by Laura Fraser, about how exercise can help treat depression.

Peer Pressure

Have you heard the latest? Your friends can make you fat. A recent article in the New England Journal of Medicine published a study that indicated that friends (and family members) of obese people are more likely to gain weight themselves. Of course this study was quickly reported in the media, and variously analyzed, criticized, and applauded.

Of course these findings should come as no huge shock. It's a no-brainer that your social network will influence when, what, and how much you eat. How many women find themselves gaining weight when they are in a relationship or get married, as they adjust their eating habits to the more lavish appetites of a male partner? And friendships and social gatherings lend themselves to eating and snacking, as well as fattening foods such as movie popcorn, hamburgers, pizza, etc.

In the drug addiction treatment community it is well known that a drug user probably won't be able to maintain sobriety unless he or she disassociates from friends who use drugs and alcohol. "Lose your using friends" is a common mantra. Instead the addict is encourage to surround himself with clean and supportive companions, like those encountered in AA meetings and other support groups.

In theory, that would be a good solution for weight control instead. Eschew your pizza and popcorn friends, and hook up with salad and vegetable eating, exercise loving associates.

But as with everything in weight loss, it's not that simple. First of all, food, unlike drugs, is not something you can just give up. You need food to survive. Weight loss and weight control requires learning to make good choices in food consumption, not depriving yourself of food altogether.

Second, your food-loving friends and family are not law-breaking addicts who are going to lead you to a life of crime. They just like food. And food is, undoubtedly, one of the greatest legal pleasures one can consume.

Third, are we saying that everyone should ostracize obese and overweight people for fear that it might rub off? And what if I am an obese or overweight person wanting to be friends with a thin person (perhaps hoping that the thin-ness might rub off on me)? Should that thin person refuse to have anything to do with me in case my weight issues are a bad influence on him or her?

Furthermore, that thin person might not be such a good influence anyway. It is quite possible that this skinny friend eats just as unhealthily as your former fat friends, and would thus be just as bad an influence on you. Worse, perhaps, if skinny can't comprehend why you want to avoid pizza because it is just too hard to only eat one piece.

The real solution can only be social isolation. If I didn't go out with friends at all, or go to any parties, and spent all my spare time working out, then I wouldn't have any bad influences or temptations and I would get thin for sure. Well... that is true. My weight loss success is due in part to exchanging food-filled socializing for exercising, and limiting my exposure to fattening foods. I am able to refuse most invitations to go out to eat when it interferes with my commitments to running and working out.

But that doesn't mean I have isolated myself. I arrange the social events around the workout schedule, and judiciously allow myself a few occasions when I ditch the Y to hang out with friends. When I do go out I usually eat the foods I consider good for myself (and avoid most alcohol), even if my friends are having burgers and fries and yummy cocktails.

Maybe your friends will actively support you in your weight loss efforts, or perhaps they will subtly sabotage you by leading you into food temptation situations. It's up to you how you react. If you think your friends are going to damage your weight control, maybe you do need to question your association. But hopefully you can enjoy your friends' companionship while still making your own responsible food choices. Ultimately, having friends and social support can only be good for your mental, and perhaps physical, health. And who knows, maybe your good example will rub off on them!

Definitely back on track

Finally, I can legitimately say that I've lost the weight I gained on vacation. I've been hovering around 160 for a couple of weeks now, and although I would prefer to be lower, at least I haven't been substantially higher for more than a minute or two. Now, to move back to my low weight before the Whidbey half marathon - which was about 155 (154 on one brief, fleeting day). It is a little frustrating to be working back to the point where I was saying, just 10 more pounds to go... but it's a process.

I've done this by eating pretty clean, as I promised myself more than a month ago, although I have allowed a few treats back in. In order to accommodate the occasional treats, I have been faithfully writing down everything I eat in a little notebook (which I carry around in my purse), along with the calorie estimates, so I can keep track of how close I am to my goal number of calories (1400) as well as my maximum daily number (1600-1700), and frankly, I'm usually a lot closer to 1600 than 1400. Luckily, part 2 of my plan helps with that. Part 2 is working out daily and (most importantly) working out twice a day as often as I can (at least three times a week). Working out once a day seems to keep me at a maintenance level but I don't seem to lose much!

This is what I do. I run for an hour or more in the morning on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, plus one day on the weekends. On Tuesday and Thursday mornings I work out at the Y (40 minutes on the elliptical). Monday through Thursday, and occasionally Friday (as well as some Saturday mornings), I also try to do about 40 minutes on the elliptical at the Y in the evenings. In between I go to Pilates on Monday and Wednesday nights (usually), and yoga three to five times a week on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, Tuesday and Thursday nights, and Saturday mornings. I also try to walk as many places as I can, like to the farmer's market on Sunday mornings, or to the grocery store to pick up a few things or get a latte.

Back in July I ran my second half marathon, up in Anacortes. My time on this one was substantially slower than Whidbey. I attribute this to a number of things. First, a few extra pounds slowing me down; second, a foot injury also slowing me down; third, a very steep hill that everyone walked up, but undoubtedly cost me several minutes extra time; and fourth (most importantly), sometimes you're just fast and sometimes you're slower. I would also say that I wasn't as well trained for this one. Although I was still in fine shape, I only spent a month on specific race training, as opposed to three months for Whidbey. I think I need two good months of training, with long runs and practice races, to be at top shape for a half marathon. I'll keep that in mind next time.

Buckling Down

I have to face facts, I've gained weight and I haven't been able to lose it yet. In all, I'm about 10 pounds higher than my low point, and about 5 pounds more than when I left on vacation. I kind of know how I gained it, at least the vacation part of it--scones, clotted cream, biscuits, cakes, bread and cheese played a big part there. That in spite of running almost every day and walking all day long.

But why haven't I shed at least those vacation pounds since I've been home and back eating reasonably? (That is after the birthday and graduation parties--all involving cake--the first weekend or so that I was home.) Is it the sneaky little things that I've nibbled on just now and then--a cookie here, a piece of chocolate there, tortilla chips "just this once" at a Mexican restaurant? Or that work has prevented me from working out more than once a day? (Although, for goodness sake, one workout a day should be enough.)

Whatever it is, I'm nipping it in the bud right now. Today I started a strict monitoring of my food intake, including writing down everything I eat. Just for today, I checked out the calorie counts on the internet so I could get an idea of how many calories I am consuming. I learned that I would be in great shape today if it weren't for a lunch out that was double the calories of my dinner, despite how careful I was to eat sparingly and wisely.

I had the Mediterranean Ahi Salad from Claim Jumpers, no potatoes, dressing on the side, (and I didn't eat the croutons or any bread) and a side of plain grilled asparagus. Here's where the problems occurred. 1) There was probably too much ahi (although I can't be sure of how many ounces it actually was. 2) Avocado and goat cheese add up, plus olives are high in sodium and calories. A smart salad would have only one of those three high fat add-ons. 3) Although I didn't add any dressing, the vegetables on the salad were already tossed in dressing, so I have to account for that. I figure that all brings me over 700 calories.

The good news is, my normal homemade salads are much lower in calories, with lots of lettuce and vegetables, plenty of pico de gallo and salsa, and a few ounces of chicken, salmon, or other protein. If I stick to them for lunch and dinner, I should be back on track in no time.

My temporary mantra....

No sweets.
No bread.
No cheese.
No chocolate (for a while).
No nuts (for a while).

I did create a fun treat this evening, Splenda lemonade (squeeze plenty of lemon into ice water and sweeten with Splenda). Now, despite the overly fattening lunch of earlier today, I am going to have an evening snack of 1/2 apple with cinnamon, and cottage cheese or yoghurt (haven't decided which yet, but I'm leaning toward cottage cheese tonight).

Beautiful berries

A friend's blog asked the question, what are your favorite summer fruits? I replied:

Strawberries, raspberries, blueberries (in order of season, not necessarily preference). (I love them all the best when I am eating them.) Apples, always! (Sometimes I thirst for apples!) Blackberries picked off the vines that grow on the hillside at the beach. All dark purple berries—especially the tiny wild blackberries—baked into pies and cobblers (I know it's naughty, but you've got to have berry pie or cobbler at least once in the summer or fall!). Apricots, plums, peaches & nectarines when they are tree-ripened... and perhaps my favorite when it's just right, perfectly ripe canteloupe (so hard to find)—you can just feel the antioxidants rushing through your body as you eat it! (Although perhaps I am unusually sensitive to food-related sensations. I get the same effect with ripe mangos—just like Kramer on Seinfeld. I don't eat mangos too often though, because I have a sense that they are a more high-glycemic fruit.)

And I forgot to say, but will add now—cherries, which I am joyfully eating right now, brought in from a coworker's tree, and surprisingly low on the glycemic index, despite their intense sweetness (after learning that, I grabbed another handful). Of course they are priced like rubies, except in the very height of the season or if you are lucky to have your own cherry tree, or know someone who does.

Fruit is almost a controversial food in the world of weight loss and weight maintenance. It is, of course, highly preferable to most other sweet food, such as candy and cookies. It's non-fat, mostly lower on the glycemic index, and contains important antioxidants and other nutrients. My favorite fruits, berries, canteloupe, and apples, are among the "desirable" foods on the glycemic index, while bananas, mangos, pineapple and watermelon are less desirable.

But the calories can add up. Particularly in foods that you eat by the handful, like grapes and cherries. So generally speaking, I measure and limit my fruits just like I do proteins and grains. (Only vegetables do I allow myself to eat without restraint.)

I do have one exception to this, however, and that is for berries in season. Strawberries, raspberries, and blueberries I eat by the handful, and handful again, as often as I want until the flat is empty. The fresh berry season is so fleeting, yet so wonderful, that I can't deny myself the opportunity to partake as much of it as I want. Happily, these berries are lower on the glycemic index and generally lower in calories than other, more high glycemic fruits.

Weight Loss Reading List

I am a voracious reader. I read for information, but mostly for entertainment. I read weight-loss and self-help books like novels.... and I read novels like weight-loss and self-help books. When I was losing weight—and still—I started seeking out and enjoying a variety of books with a weight-loss theme. Some were diet books, of course; others were memoirs; still others were novels with characters who have gained and/or lost weight. I found that reading these books not only entertained me, but also motivated me to stick with what I was doing.


Fiction

Bridget Jones's Diary by Helen Fielding
Bridget is a chick lit pioneer—and an early starter in the library of books about heroines with weight issues. Of course Bridget never really had a weight problem, except in her head. I never really figured out whether Helen Fielding actually thought that Bridget was legitimately chunky, or whether Bridget's obsession with her weight was meant to be ironic. (I also don't quite know why Bridget wasn't fat, with all the binging on chocolates and so forth that went on in the book!) When the movie came out, Bridget's character had gained about 10 pounds, so that Bridget as played by Renee Zellweger was a teeny bit voluptuous.

Jemima J by Jane Green
Now here is a book about a protagonist who really did have a weight problem. Jemima loved her bacon sandwiches, and it showed. Until one day she sent a computer-slimmed photo to a man she met on the internet, and finally gained the inspiration to diet and exercise her way to a truly slender Jemima. This is a bit of a fairy tale—there's a reason it's subtitled "A Novel About Ugly Ducklings and Swans"—but in the end Jemima does learn a few truths (as well as achieve an appropriately happy ending).

Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner
After breaking up with her boyfriend, Cannie is shocked and upset when he writes an article about "loving a larger woman." She decides to participate in a weight loss group, and through her experiences there—and a dramatic surprise—makes some major changes to her life and future.

The Next Big Thing by Johanna Edwards
The Real World meets The Biggest Loser in this novel about a woman who wins a spot on a weight loss reality show.

How to Be Cool by Johanna Edwards
This time the protagonist has already lost the weight. Kylie Chase, a weight-loss success story (and former geek), now teaches others how to be stylish and popular and cool. She is ready to make a splash at a long-delayed high school reunion, and being interviewed by a popular men’s magazine. But then her perfect world starts to fall apart….

Conversations with the Fat Girl by Liza Palmer
Plus sized Maggie copes with her insecurities after childhood friend Olivia becomes svelte following gastric bypass surgery.

Eating Heaven by Jennie Shortridge
Eleanor writes about food for diet magazines, but in her own life enjoys food too much and too much food. But when her beloved Uncle Benny becomes ill, she transfers her food obsessions to cooking for him. This book is set in Portland, Oregon, and makes you want to go there immediately.

He Loves Lucy by Susan Donovan
This is a fun bit of fluff for everyone who wants and needs to lose a lot of weight. Lucy, a marketing executive, participates in a contest to lose 100 pounds and win a big cash prize. But maybe the real prize is her handsome trainer....

Alternate Beauty by Andrea Rains Waggener
Ronnie finds her job in a plus-size boutique in jeopardy—because she's too fat. Then one day she wakes up in an alternate universe where fat is the ultimate beauty and thin is despised. It's a dream come true—except now she's losing her appetite.

The Perfect Fit: Fat-Free Dreams Just Don't Taste the Same by Louise Kean
Sunny (who lives in Wimbledon, near London), has lost 98 pounds and now, as a thin, athletic woman, is able to save a child from kidnaping by chasing down the kidnaper. In doing this she begins the process of coming to terms with her own body and the idea of the perfect man.

Slim Chance (Red Dress Ink (Numbered Paperback)) by Jackie Rose
Evie becomes obsessed with losing weight to fit into a Vera Wang wedding dress, as the dress becomes more important than the wedding -- or the marriage -- or the groom.


Memoirs

All these books could have essentially the same description—“author tells the story of her weight-loss experiences”—but yet each is unique, interesting, and inspirational. (And isn’t it good to hear of so many weight-loss successes?)

Passing for Thin: Losing Half My Weight and Finding My Self by Frances Kuffel
Literary agent Frances Kuffel tells her story of losing 188 pounds and how it changes her life. Her story is gripping, even as it portrays her in sometimes less than sympathetic -- or likeable -- lights. Kuffel used Overeaters Anonymous, although her book does not necessarily promote this program over others.

I'm Not the New Me by Wendy McClure
McClure is a sharp-tongued—and funny—narrator of her efforts to lose weight and create her weight-loss blog. She is also a connoisseur of the ephemera of the old-style Weight Watchers program.

Tales From The Scale by Erin J. Shea
A collection of stories about several women’s weight loss experiences.

The Weight-Loss Diaries by Courtney Rubin
The author starts her weight loss project with a magazine assignment to chronicle her weight-loss efforts in print. Her bittersweet experiences include coming to terms with a bingeing disorder and stories of her successes and failures.

The Incredible Shrinking Critic: 75 Pounds and Counting: My Excellent Adventure in Weight Loss by Jami Bernard
Bernard tells the story of a two-year weight loss effort and success.

Scoot Over, Skinny: The Fat Nonfiction Anthology by Donna Jarrell
Another anthology of weight-related essays, although not necessarily weight loss stories.

Til the Fat Girl Sings: From an Overweight Nobody to a Broadway Somebody-A Memoir by Sharon Wheatley
Wheatley writes engagingly of her childhood weight issues and how they eventually impacted her career goals of becoming a Broadway musical actress.

Teenage Waistland: A Former Fat-Camper Weighs in on Living Large, Losing Weight, And How Parents Can (And Can't) Help by Abby Ellin
The title tells the whole story.

Secrets of a Former Fat Girl by Lisa Delaney

Delaney, a free-lance journalist who has written for health magazines, lost 70 pounds and has kept it off for 20 years. Her entertaining book offers good tips and motivation, though it does promote the rather disturbing idea that size 8 is not good enough (Delaney is a size 2 and weighs 115 pounds at 5'4").

Diet and Self-Help Books

The Perricone Weight-Loss Diet by Nicholas Perricone, MD
Nicholas Perricone began his publication career by telling us how to stop aging and look younger by eating salmon and other anti-inflammatory, low-glycemic foods. Some of us (me included) found out that this plan also helped us lose weight! Apparently Dr. Perricone figured it out too, and hence this book. While the recipes are sometimes complicated, the plan, and concept, are are great! (Worked for me!)

The Forever Young Diet and Lifestyle by James & Joan O'Keefe
Another favorite for me, along similar lines as the Perricone plans.

Bob Greene's Total Body Makeover by Bob Greene
It worked for Oprah—the first time.

The Best Life Diet by Bob Greene
A kinder, gentler Bob Greene, with less of the boot camp approach. (It worked for Oprah—the second time.)

The Good Mood Diet: Feel Great While You Lose Weight by Susan M. Kleiner and Bob Condor
A new twist on the low-glycemic plans, focusing on how healthy, anti-inflammatory foods can also help improve emotional well-being.

Healthy Aging: A Lifelong Guide to Your Well-Being by Andrew Weil
Dr. Weil offers a whole life plan to care for your body and self.

Stop The Clock! Cooking: Defy Aging--Eat The Foods You Love by Cheryl Forberg
A great collection of recipes featuring anti-aging foods... Some of her recipes have been adapted for Dr. Perricone's books, and she has been a consultant for the Biggest Loser show.

The South Beach Diet by Arthur Agatston
As diet books go, this is one of the best--sensible, low-glycemic, and it works.

DVD and Video

Frontline: Diet Wars
An excellent overview of various diet programs and theories, including Atkins and Pritikin, hosted by Stephen Talbot (Gilbert on Leave It To Beaver), who takes on the weight loss challenge for himself.

Scientific American Frontiers: Fat and Happy?
Alan Alda explores obesity and weight loss in America.

Scientific American Frontiers: Losing It
This sequel to Fat and Happy follows several subjects who try various weight loss methods (including Alda, who does a stint in Weight Watchers).

Scientific American Frontiers: Surgical Slimmers
This program examines surgical weight-loss solutions.

Nova: Marathon Challenge

13 novices train to run the Boston Marathon.

Supersize Me
Completely engrossing documentary of Morgan Spurlock's experiment eating nothing but McDonald's food for 30 days. He wrote a companion book which is even more in-depth, Don't Eat This Book: Fast Food and the Supersizing of America.

Why do they do this?

Is it sabotage or self-destruction?

When co-workers bring in goodies to work, knowing that you are trying to resist treats (and have a problem doing so), and knowing that said treats are absolutely no good for themselves or anyone else in the office, what is the motivation?

I know that 90% of the motivation is to do something nice for everyone, something that will make them happy. But I also believe that just a little bit of it is a set-up, a way of creating temptation for those of us who don't want the sweets, so that we will either succumb or make ourselves miserable by resisting. I know this is attributing very unkind attributes to people who are supposed to be our friends. But mostly I don't think they know that they have this motivation. It's subconscious. Buried deeply along with the mixed feelings they probably feel about those of us who have successfully lost weight when they have not.

I have tried, half-jokingly, to restrict the amount of unhealthy treats brought to the office. I have insisted on buying cheese sticks and 100-calorie packs and other less terrible goodies. Last week I brought some strawberries, but I think they were mostly eaten by me. Then inevitably, when I am not around, in come the cookies and chips and, today, doughnuts.

Lucky for me, I am much more able to resist doughnuts (and chips also) than I am cookies and candy. So as long as I don't succumb to "just a taste"—which would probably lead to more tastes—I am okay.

When I do criticize or try to restrict the "bad" food, I am accused of trying to deprive everyone else of what they want, what makes them happy. I admit my main reason for wanting to keep the stuff out is to protect myself from temptation, and I really wouldn't dream of trying to tell other people what to eat. (Maybe just passive aggressively suggest it.) But really, nobody needs this stuff.

Just for fun, I printed out several pages showing the calories in various Krispy Kreme doughnuts and taped them onto the boxes. They'll probably be furious at me. But if you're going to eat this stuff, you might as well be informed! The interesting thing is that one original Krispy Kreme glazed doughnut has "only" 200 calories (certainly less than a Starbuck's scone or other more wholesome sounding goodie). So, if you don't care about the sugar, carbs, and fat (undoubtedly trans fats), and can limit yourself to just one, then a doughnut isn't the worst thing in the world to eat. Information is power.

Now, I do have one more confession. I myself have been known to bring in cookies or chocolate on occasion when I either wanted to get them out of my house or, more often, just wanted to treat everyone. If I do it, it's okay. That's the little exception to the rule.

Where have I gone?

To Whidbey Island and back, to England and back, to work and back (again and again and again)....

All these things have filled my time and kept me from writing and keeping up. (I feel like the 10-year-old apologizing to her diary for not writing for so long!)

The Whidbey Island half marathon came and went, very successfully, on April 15. I actually started to write about it but can't find what I wrote on my computer. I am stymied by technology. So all the intense impressions of the moment are now faded away.

My goal was to finish in under two hours (and I wasn't completely sure that I could). It's hard to get a good impression of how fast you are running at the time. I did keep looking at my watch at mile markers and constantly subtracting from the start time, and did have a sense that I was doing okay, around or maybe under nine minutes per mile.

I finally learned what "hitting the wall" feels like around mile 11. What it was to me, was the feeling that I cannot possibly run any faster than I am running at this moment (which was slower than I had been running for most of the race). I didn't feel like I had to stop, but I was stuck in that pace. Luckily I passed through that somewhere after mile 12 and as I was nearing the finish line, put on a burst of speed like I never have before. When I saw the clock it said 1:54 and I was determined to finish under 1:55... and I did. In the end my total time was just under 1:55 but my actual time (from crossing the start line to crossing the finish line) was 1:54:30, for a pace of 8:45 per mile. So much better than I had ever expected!

I was surprised but perhaps shouldn't have been, because I had followed my training plan obsessively, and could not have been in better shape for this race. The weekend before I had run the five-mile Tulip Run in Skagit County, and got an amazing personal best of 8:31 per mile (42:37 total). I also modified my eating plan and ate (gasp) pasta for dinner the night before each of those runs--and I actually think that might have made a difference! I didn't eat anything during the duration of the half marathon and I do wonder whether that might have made a difference in the moments of flagging near the end.

I had a fabulous mix of music on my ipod, which I had spent a couple of weeks putting together for the half marathon. I tested it on the Tulip Run and then tweaked it a little bit for Whidbey. I actually got so into making my playlist that I ended up with four hours of music--the first two and a half were running songs and the remainder was more of a post-run mix. I have put it onto i-tunes as a playlist, although about half my music was dropped off because I had originally downloaded it from another CD rather than i-tunes. However, there's still 154 minutes worth of songs, including my number one running song, "Don't Stop Me Now," by Queen (you definitely need this one). On the i-tunes version of my playlist it comes up about half an hour into the list, whereas I had it about an hour into my run, just when I really needed to pump things up! I had "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor at just about the two hour point, to push me across the finish line, but I had already finished by the time it came up!

Here's the modified version of my playlist, which can be found at http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewIMix?id=258837320 .

The week after Whidbey I could feel my body needed recovery and I had some difficult moments running during the next few days. Let's just say my digestive system was all shook up and needed a bit of time to recover.

I also decided to try running just a little less to be kinder to my body. For the rest of the spring, and possibly during the summer, I am trying a running plan of running Monday, Wednesday, and Friday during the week (working out at the Y on Tuesdays and Thursdays) and running one day on the weekend. That way I will generally never run more than two days in a row, allowing a day of recovery between most runs.

During May and early June I spent three weeks in England, where I did a lot of walking and also ran on the days I was in London and other cities (in the country I walk rather than run). Of course I also indulged in a lot of scones and cream and bread and cheese and cake and biscuits (cookies), which despite the constant activity and exercise, resulted in several pounds gained by the time I got home.

A birthday party and a graduation party, both involving copious amounts of cake (my favorite thing), didn't help things in the week after I got home. (I am about 10 pounds over my low weight, although 5-7 pounds up from when I left for England.) I have also been running and/or working out only once a day on most days, in an effort to devote some time to getting caught up at work and updating my travel blog. I do believe that balance is necessary in life, and I can't completely sacrifice my job in order to work out twice a day!

But for the last week I have been quite faithful about eating (pretty) clean, working out daily, if not twice a day (except for today, which is a rest day due to minor injury after a run yesterday), and I have run in two 5K runs (last Saturday and yesterday), so I think I am on a good track.

So, that's where I've been the last two months. We'll just have to see where I'm going from here.

April Fools

Here's to all the April fools (who are pretty much fools any time of the year)...

People who assume because I lost a lot of weight in what appeared to be a short time (but was in fact more than a year), I must have had weight loss surgery.

People who consider anyone bigger than a size 4-6 "fat."

People who think they are too busy to exercise.

People who drink soda pop with sugar and whole milk coffee drinks, and wonder why they can't lose weight.

People who don't put the free weights back on the racks where they belong at the gym.

People who hog the weight machines doing multiple sets, when the weight room guidelines clearly say one set at a time.

People who say "you can really see it in your face" when you've lost quite a bit of weight and obviously you don't care whether it shows in your face, you want it to show in your body! (Why not just say, "your hands look really thin" or something equally unhelpful! Although it's true, weight loss usually shows up first in the face.)

People who demand to know how much weight you've lost.

People who say "you've lost a ton of weight." (Yeah, I know I was a whale, but do you need to rub in in?)

People who try to be sensitive and instead of saying "You look great" say "How do you feel?" I know this is a controversial opinion, because apparently the polite thing to do is in fact, ask how the weight lossee feels, rather than comment on how she looks. But from my perspective, I'd rather get a sincere compliment on how great I look. Because everyone, fat or thin, is insecure about her looks, and a compliment is always welcome. When you ask how I feel, that implies that I felt bad before--and I didn't. I've always felt pretty good, I had no bad knees or bad back or high blood pressure or health problems. So yeah, I feel great and I know it, but I want to hear that I look great!

A daily struggle

After more than two years of eating clean, and about a year of maintaining my weight loss, I am amazed that each day I have to struggle a little bit with obsessive eating and the temptations of inappropriate food. Ninety percent of my daily diet is great, perfect really. My problems don't occur with meals--I know what to eat and I like it. It's the Other. The extra little nibbles, which can so quickly and easily turn into extended nibbles, even mini-binges. My main problem is candy (and sometimes cookies) at work. My co-workers insist on putting out goodies (which I'm sure they over-indulge in), and sometimes I just can't help having one. Which often becomes two, three, four. Each taste of sweet forbidden sugar prompts me to have another taste. When you add in the high stress levels of my job, a bowl of chocolate kisses becomes irresistible. It's even worse if I'm hungry, for example while cooking dinner. Then I find myself almost incapable of resisting the grazing and snacking.

Amazingly, in one episode like this (on Saturday), my body actually kicked in to help me deal with the effects of cravings and grazing. I ate a lot of chocolate that day. My recollection is several pieces of the 50-calorie variety, plus a whole chocolate bar accounting for 250 calories in itself. Then my mother came over and we each had a piece of peanut butter pie that I had in my freezer. The cool thing is, I got full. I got so full from this candy eating that I did not want dinner (and in fact, did not eat dinner). My body had enough, and told me so.

Going the distance

So I've been walking around the house trying to work off the soreness from today's 11+ mile run. Whenever I sit or lie down for a bit, my body tightens up and when I get up, I walk (and feel) like Frankenstein for a few minutes. I took a couple of ibuprofin tablets to attempt to proactively prevent an achy evening.... a bath might be nice, but it feels like a lot of effort. Maybe before I go to bed.

The masseuse I saw last week after the 15K said that after running the muscles produce lactic acid, which causes the soreness and stiffness we feel after cooling down. Massage is supposed to help work it out, and she recommended water and vitamin C to help flush it out of the system. I wondered, but didn't ask (because I didn't want an unfavorable answer), whether the calcium in the latte I like to treat myself to after running might make it worse.

Today's run was my longest continuous run yet. It was at least 11.2 miles long, maybe a bit longer because I overshot my starting point at the end. I ran four times around the 2.8 mile loop at Discovery Park, plus probably an additional .1 or .2 mile to get back to the parking lot. Since today's goal on my half-marathon training schedule was 11 miles (for me - I'm a bit ahead of the general training schedule), I am right on track.

Running in Discovery Park is no piece of cake. The loop trail is full of hills, some of them quite steep up and down. There is a certain point where a hill becomes so steep that it is not possible to run either up or down at any kind of normal pace. Luckily there were only a few of those, and the rest fell into the difficult but doable category.

After the first two loops (5.6 miles), I was really in the zone, and the third loop felt really good, and easy. The fourth loop, I must admit I spent a lot of time telling myself that I was almost done, almost done, almost done. I think I did pick up my pace a bit during that final segment, however.

I am now within two miles of the total half-marathon distance. The training plan only goes up to twelve miles, but I'm a bit inclined to go for the full distance. Despite all my running (and I know I'm very fit, and ready for the half-marathon), I still don't quite trust myself and feel like I need to prove that I can run 13.1 miles before I ever do the race.

I have to admit that the ease and enjoyability of today's run was just a tiny bit diminished by a slightly sour stomach or hint of heartburn. I supposed that may have been due to the wine I drank at last night's St. Patrick's Day party, or maybe the vast quantity of fudge I consumed... or simply perhaps the excess of pico de gallo I put on my eggs this morning.

Note to self - don't drink wine the day before the half marathon, or eat too much chocolate or overly spicy food!

Party time?

So, tomorrow's St. Patrick's Day, the patron saint day of partiers everywhere. I'm not Irish, and not a big observer of St. Patrick's Day (I view all parades with suspicion and boredom), but I am aware that lots of people consider it an opportunity to drink lots of beer. Green beer, in some cases! So I hear.

Usually St. Patrick's Day is barely a blip on my radar - perhaps involving wearing some item of green apparel - like for example, wearing my Shamrock Run tee shirt to the Y. (Who am I kidding? I've worn it twice this week already. How else would I let the world know I participated in a 15K race?)

But tomorrow I am actually observing St. Pat's Day by going to a friend's party. So not throwing myself into the full whirlpool of the bar hopping, pub crawling partiers, just into a minor eddy of friends and acquaintances (and some strangers, I suppose). It will be fun, I tell myself. Better to socialize than sit home watching TV. Better to nibble on party food than leave myself to the grazing festival that too much time at home can precipitate. Better to dress up in some fun outfit than hang out in my pajamas, because I have too many clothes not to wear them as often as I can. (I should probably wear my Shamrock Run shirt as a conversation starter, but that seems a bit extreme. And wasteful of any number of potential party outfits.)

I admit I'd probably rather hang out at home in my pajamas and watch TV. (I almost said, "with the cats," but don't want to designate myself a total cat lady spinster!) Socializing is a chore, of sorts, but I'm up to the job! And happily, the party's only a few blocks from my house, so the trip home will be fast. Lucky for me.

To finish the story...

I did. Finish, that is. (The 15K.) Not that I ever had any question that I would. All my questions revolved around... how would I do? How would I feel? Would I still be walking the next day? (Ah, yet another cliffhanger!)

Race conditions were excellent today. The weather was warm, unusually balmy, and despite a forecast predicting high probability of rain, it did not in fact rain. The 15K started at 8:30, about ten minutes later than the originally scheduled time of 8:20. I had walked down to the starting point from my hotel (about half a mile away), and got there just as the 5K was starting at 7:45. I was just finishing a pre-race coffee (double short nonfat latte with sugarfree vanilla), intended to give me a caffeine boost without too much milk to slosh around in my stomach. After the latte I took a warmup run, passing back by the hotel where I stopped to drop off my gloves (certainly not needed today) and use the bathroom one more time. (But not the last time - I made a final stop in the porta-potties just before the run and prayed that my body would be able to hold any other urges until the race was over. Miraculously, it did, and so I did not have to stop at any of the restrooms en route.)

I guess I knew when I signed up, but had forgotten, that this was going to be a "hilly" race. After starting the first mile in the heart of downtown (where we passed my hotel and I thought longingly of my comfy room), we began heading uphill. And up. And up. The first four miles were truly uphill all the way. Then the next two were hilly, ups and downs. Finally, after six miles of hills (at a rather discouraging time of 59 minutes), the remainder of the course, 3.3 miles, was all downill and level. I picked up my pace and finished with a time of 86:20.

Even though that was a slower average pace than I would have liked, I was pleased that I had increased my pace from almost 10 minutes per mile in the first six, to less than eight and a half for the remainer (8:18, to be precise). Leaving me with an average pace of about nine minutes, sixteen seconds per mile. Not award winning, but acceptable.

I finished off my running holiday weekend with a massage at a spa near my hotel, before climbing into the car for the long drive home, already wondering where I could travel for the next run!

Taking a mini-break

Here's the blueprint for a fun, relaxing weekend getaway. 1) Take off from work early on Friday to make an early start. 2) Stop for a tasty lunch en route - e.g. sushi. 3) Drive to a location that isn't your city of residence. 4) Check into the nicest luxury hotel that your budget will allow(supplemented by any deals or discounts you can score). 5) Order room service at least once. 6) Bring some chocolate. 7) Tour the local sights (shopping is often a good way to do this). 8) Run a 15K road race.

Yes, you read right. My luxurious weekend getaway is all a lead up to running in an out of town 15K. I have found the local races inadequate and have been forced to travel afield.

Well, forced is probably an exaggeration. It's true that I could not locate a 15K near home for the weekend I wanted to run it. It was a lucky coincidence that there is one this weekend in Portland (the Shamrock Run), and having friends who live in Portland created another justification for coming down here.

I've been intrigued for a while by the idea of traveling to run. After all, I run when I travel (in London, Maine, and Denver during 2006). It's just a bit of variation to plan the trip around a run. It certainly does impress people. It also gives you a bit of an opportunity, and excuse, to eat a little more indulgently than you might allow at home. After all, you need energy to run - a little carbo loading is a good thing. (Hence the fig newtons and chocolate I've just treated myself to as a pre-race energy booster.)

I probably should have waited until after the race to write about this, so I could include my impressions about the race itself. That might include a conclusion that a running vacation isn't all it's cracked up to be! But I'm pretty sure the race will go fine. Slow, perhaps, but fine. My only regret will be (and already is) that after the race I will have to pack up my hotel room and head home, instead of spending another night in luxury. Perhaps that will have to be on the agenda for the next race.

But in the meantime, I'll conclude with my final tip for the running mini-break, one which I plan to follow through with tomorrow afternoon: 9) Schedule a massage!

Weighting for insurance

I have a friend who had weight loss surgery a few months ago, and so far, is very happy with the results. She paid for the surgery herself (no doubt costing thousands of dollars), because her insurance did not cover it. I have another friend who has considered weight loss surgery, either for herself or family members, but the cost would be a significant obstacle. Her medical insurance, while a very good plan, specifically excludes coverage for anything related to weight loss.

I suspect that most insurance plans are the same way - no coverage for weight loss surgery or any kind of treatment or program designed to produce weight loss. (I have no idea, though, whether that would include prescription drugs if the plan otherwise covers prescriptions.)

I myself did not have weight loss surgery or participate in any kind of organized plan that has a fee. That doesn't mean I didn't spend plenty of money to lose weight. Oh no. I suspect that I have spent as much money on my own weight loss plan as anyone who has sprung for gastric bypass or other surgery. My money has been spent on gym membership and a used treadmill; twice monthly massages; salmon and other good food (expensive, but I eat everything I buy and waste very little); lots of magazines to read at the gym, plus stacks of fitness/diet/health books and magazines; and most especially clothes, clothes, clothes - work clothes and play clothes, workout clothes and eating out clothes - many thousands of dollars worth. Some I needed because my old clothes were too big, but mostly I shop because it makes me feel happy and good about myself, and I believe has truly helped me lose weight and keep it off. All this could easily translate into one of those Mastercard "priceless" ads, except I use Visa. And there is definitely a price.

But this isn't about my borderline shopping addiction. It's about insurance coverage for weight loss. How I wish that insurance would cover all my weight loss related expenditures - but I know that's silly. However, I find it a little hard to understand why insurance does not cover other weight loss programs, even including surgery where medically necessary.

It's pretty well established that obesity is a problem and a disease which can contribute or lead to numerous other diseases. High blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, and even cancer are only some of the medical conditions which obesity can contribute to. Decreasing obesity can prevent, decrease, or control many of these conditions, all of which can require long term medical care at great expense. Preventative care to avoid costly and serious future illness? Makes sense to me.

I think that there is a bias against people who are overweight that leads people, including insurance companies, to feel that obesity is caused by a lack of self-control or willpower, and therefore it doesn't merit treatment in the same way that other diseases do. If overweight people just ate less/exercised more/ate healthier food, they could lose the weight without medical intervention.

That may be true, in some cases, but it's also a lot more complicated than that. But even if that were completely true, it does not explain the inequity in the way that insurance companies treat obesity as compared to another comparable disease - alcohol and drug addiction.

Most insurance plans have some coverage for chemical dependency treatment. Mine includes both outpatient and in-patient treatment. But think of this. While addiction is a disease, it almost always occurs as a result of a person's voluntary choice to consume controlled substances recreationally. In the case of drugs other than alcohol, the consumption is also usually illegal. And addiction doesn't happen after one use. It takes repetitive consumption before use becomes abuse, then dependency. One might say that the user has had multiple opportunities to stop using before becoming an addict.

As anyone with a weight problem knows, food addiction has a lot in common with drug addiction. But the drug user, once he or she is in treatment and begins the process of recovery, does not have to continue using drugs through treatment. In fact, continued use is absolutely contrary to recovery; abstinence is mandatory. The food addict cannot just stop eating. We need to eat to survive. So one of the challenges is how to resist our "drug" while consuming it every day. A lot of people need help getting to that place; sometimes medical help. But the cost of that help? It's not coming from the insurance companies. At least not now.

It seems like every day I read an article or see a piece on TV about childhood obesity, adult obesity, the obesity crisis, and the medical risks of obesity. Yet the insurance companies won't treat it. I guess they'd rather treat the real diseases instead of helping us avoid them. Too bad.

Snow surprise

It snowed today. The last day of February - which is, admittedly, still the middle of winter - began wet and ended white.

I experienced the early morning snowfall up close and personal, out running at 6:30 a.m., my face pelted with icy rain/sleet, my glasses smeared with water and my vision severely impaired. I was pretty confident that this semi-snow would come to nothing. And in fact, by the time I went to work at 9 a.m., the "snow" had shifted to a light rain. Word drifted in of snowfall to the south, but accumulation seemed unlikely.

But then, at around 3:00, I looked outside and was startled to see big, heavy snowflakes falling. Soon the snow started to stick and the ground began to whiten. I quickly shifted my plans to accommodate possible snow accumulation (as unlikely as it seemed). A trip to Starbucks for an afternoon latte, and some grocerty shopping, seemed important. I was pretty sure I could still make my Pilates class, but began to consider the possibility of skipping it.

By the time I drove the short but excrutiatingly slow trip to Starbucks, and began inching my way back to the office through rapidly accumulating slushy snow, I came to the happy conclusion that Pilates was not a good plan, and in fact I should get home as soon as possible. (Later I also realized that the Pilates class would probably be canceled anyway due to the weather.)

So for once I ended up at home by 6:30 p.m., with time on my hands. Hard to know what to do with an evening not spent working out! Of course I rejected any sensible plan such as paying bills or cleaning house. Instead I washed the dishes, made tomorrow's lunch, and warmed up some spicy salmon soup for dinner.

Perhaps tonight I'll make a start on that goal I have to get more sleep at night.

Drinking to my health

Yesterday, as I complained over apparent weight gain (real or illusory), I admitted several outings involving the consumption of cocktails. I don't think I even mentioned that the prior week I also went out with friends several times and had a couple (literally, two) drinks each time then as well. Despite these indulgences, I am confident that with care over the next few days, I can maintain a stable weight.

But ultimately, I firmly believe that alcohol and weight loss do not mix. Even alcohol and weight maintenance is a volatile and dangerous experiment.

There are so many reasons why drinking and dieting do not go hand in hand. First, there is the simple matter of the number of calories in alcoholic beverages. There are about the same number of calories, approximately 100, in a 5 ounce glass of red or white wine, a 12 ounce light beer, or a 1.5 ounce shot of liquor. Each drink you have multiplies the number of calories. And that's just for simple, unmixed drinks. When you're talking fun cocktails - margaritas, cosmopolitans, appletinis, etc. - the calories multiply exponentially.

Despite the calories, alcohol doesn't really have food value and it doesn't satiate you the way food does. A small 5 ounce glass of wine has about the same number of calories as a large apple, without the fiber and nutrition. After you eat a large apple, you're probably not going to be tempted to have another, but with a glass of wine, you very likely might. Of course, wine does have antioxidants and some health benefits, so some people might want to figure out a sensible way to include a small amount of wine in their diets.

But there is another diet risk inherent in alcohol consumption, and I invariably experience this when I go out drinking with friends. Alcohol seems to lower inhibitions, and that includes the inhibitions against eating fattening food, and too much of it. You start out with a yummy cocktail, and then it seems like a good idea to order the onion rings (and maybe another drink), and before you know it you're finishing the french fries off of someone's plate. And let's just hope that's someone at your own table!

Another thing to be aware of, and guard against, is the addictive nature of alcohol. Many people with food and weight issues have obsessive tendencies, including (obviously) over-consumption issues. Beware of the risk of turning your obsessive consumption from food to alcohol.

The March 2007 issue of More magazine has a great section on women and weight loss. I highly recommend you find that magazine to read it. Here is a link to some health and nutrition articles from More, which may in fact be from this issue. I especially enjoyed the article by Laura Fraser (author of An Italian Affair) about her experience with gradual weight gain despite a healthy diet and exercise. After a consultation with professionals, she realized (and was told) that it was probably her wine consumption that was responsible for her gaining weight. After cutting back on wine by half, and making a few other minor adjustments to her diet and lifestyle, she began to lose the excess pounds.

For myself, I prefer to avoid alcohol entirely, except for special occasions. Prior to my weight loss, drinking with friends was a regular occurrence, at least once a week if not more. That meant two or three margaritas every week, plus a glass or two or three of wine on other frequent occasions. While I never drank enough to get intoxicated (just that happy buzz, you know what it's like), and didn't get real hangovers, I would often wake up the following morning feeling less than perky, often dehydrated and kind of fuzzy. When I started losing weight, I cut out the margaritas entirely, drinking diet coke when I went out with friends. I drank wine less and less often. While I missed the tasty beverages, I never felt deprived, and the benefits (faster weight loss, no unpleasant after effects) certainly paid for themselves.

The plethora of social events over the last couple of weeks has been an aberration. While I wouldn't want to give up the opportunities to hang out with friends (a social life has its own positive health benefits), I need to guard against the temptation to succumb to the siren song of a cosmopolitan or other sugary drink. The diet coke is still a good option. Or iced tea (especially as spring and summer approach), or even a virgin bloody mary (a glass full of vegetables, albeit perhaps a little high in sodium).

Will I say I'll never again have a cosmopolitan or champagne cocktail or glass of wine? No, of course not. But I'll keep it in the same category as a piece of cake (another favorite temptation, worthy of its own post) - a special treat that I indulge in rarely, rather than as a matter of habit. A large apple? That is something I'll indulge in freely, and frequently!

Watching the scale

I got on the scale this morning and my weight was four to five pounds more than it has been in the last few days. (That means perilously close to 160 when I have been successfully clinging to 155-156 for quite some time.) My reaction? Panic (just a teeny bit), rationalization, realism. I know I haven't eaten enough in the past few days to gain four pounds, if any. On the other hand, I don't want to write it off as "just water weight" (though it probably is, mostly) without acknowledging that I have had a few indulgences that would eventually make me gain weight if I indulged too often. Specifically....

Thursday night - drinks and appetizer and a chocolate dessert split three ways with friends. Granted, I missed lunch that day (very rare for me), and this was my dinner; and in fact the scale Friday morning was fine. So that led me to....

Friday night - book club meeting and dinner with friends. A combination of a healthy chicken and vegetable stew made by me, gussied up with light Bisquick dumplings, and a piece of cornbread, apple torte and chocolate peanut butter torte for dessert (small pieces, though). Oh yeah, and a couple glasses of limoncello iced tea (with unsweetened iced tea, at least). All very yummy, and still, not a lot of movement to the scale on Saturday morning. Of course, Saturday was the the day....

I ran a 10K! And ran hard. So that entitled me to an omelet and toast in a cafe afterward. And a giant frosted sugar cookie (and I loved every single bite). The rest of my day was pretty much on track. So why did that lead to....

159.6 on the scale this morning! Combination of a few high carb foods, possibly high sodium foods, and the alcohol? I am confident that in the next few days, by eating clean, I will be back where I should be. (I am a little bit paranoid that the olives I ate with my dinner tonight were packed with sodium, though.) Of course I'll be on the scale every single day just to make sure. Weighing myself too often is not necessarily a great thing, but it's better than the alternative, which is burying my head in the sand, avoiding the scale, and letting the weight creep on.

I think the occasional modest indulgence is fine, great, and perhaps even necessary in the balance of things. But I guess the little jab of fear when the scale veers upward is good too, because it helps keep me honest. And away from the frosted cookies.

What's the magic number?

Oh, there are so many numbers in weight loss and maintenance - goal weight, pounds lost, calories to consume, etc. But the number I am thinking about right now is 5. Five what? you may well ask. The answer is 5 miles. Five miles is, I believe, the key to weight loss through exercise. Five miles a day walking, or running, or even on the elliptical trainer (but not bicycling; it is too easy to rack up miles quickly on a bike).

In my personal experience, and in observation of others who have successfully lost weight, it takes at least five miles a day (most days of the week, at least five days, I would say). That's consistent with a lot of the general wisdom and advice you hear from weight loss professionals. Five miles is roughly equivalent to the 10,000 steps a day that is the typical recommendation (although, unless you are very tall, it really takes more like 12,500 steps to make five miles). It takes about 45 to 90 minutes to run or walk five miles (depending on your speed), which is pretty close to the 60 to 90 minutes of exercise recommended by the sadists - er, experts - at the National Institutes for Health.

You probably don't have to cover the entire five miles in one stint, although it's fantastic if you can, and I really think that you should try to do at least three miles at one time, and then perhaps the remainder in chunks or later in the day. For example, three miles of walking (one hour) plus two miles on the elliptical trainer (30 minutes) is a great combination. On the 10,000 (12,500) step program, for the most benefit I think it is ideal if you can add the extra steps on top of what you would ordinarily walk. So if you record an ordinary day and you walk 3,000 steps, shoot for a total of 15,000 steps.

Persons who are really out of shape and not used to exercise at all probably can't start out with five miles right away. But I think that walking five miles in a day can be worked up to pretty quickly. If you have enough time in your day, you can walk as slowly as you want to, just cover the distance. Soon you will find yourself walking faster, finishing quicker, and who knows? Maybe you'll want to go six miles.