I am not a nice person.

Actually I am a nice person, most of the time. I try to be polite and friendly to people (I am generally a wimp), and I never really judge people on their appearances (not aloud, anyway). I certainly don't judge people based on their weight or size! For heavens sake, I would be a huge hypocrite if I did, when you think of where I came from. (Although I suspect a lot of formerly fat people are all too ready to criticize other heavy people.)

However. When I am running a race - 5K, 10K, half marathon - all bets are off. My judgmental character takes off faster than the starting gun. And all my wild criticisms are aimed at the runners in front of me.

Mostly I am talking about women. I've already figured that I can't really compete with most men - simply by being taller than me they are going to have an advantage of speed. (It is quite irritating to be running hard and still barely able to keep pace with a long-legged guy who barely seems to be loping along.)

So, unless the men are very old or actually crippled, they don't factor into my mental bitchiness. (But if they are very old or crippled, let the judgments fly. Take that, 90-year-old man with a walker! I'm passing you! Haha, man with a wooden leg - you can't beat me!) (Or alternatively, very young - just you wait, 10-year-old boy sprinting ahead! I'll be passing you up when your little body wears out! And I'll laugh when I do it!)

But I'm a little more subtle with women. Particularly those who run about the same pace as me. After all, they're the only ones around for me to mock. My mental comments go something like this....

Look at that girl ahead of me... she is definitely a lot fatter than me. How come she's ahead of me? Now that one, she has big boobs and a roll around the belly, but her legs are thin. That other one has chubby arms (shouldn't be wearing a sleeveless top), but not the same kind of batwings that I do (which is why I will only be wearing sleeveless at the beach). Now the one in pink, she's just younger than me. But that other one, talk about bad running form - her feet are flapping all over the place. How'd she get ahead of me? And why is she staying there?

And finally... why did it take me half the race to catch up with someone who is walking and pushing a baby buggy?