Peer Pressure

Have you heard the latest? Your friends can make you fat. A recent article in the New England Journal of Medicine published a study that indicated that friends (and family members) of obese people are more likely to gain weight themselves. Of course this study was quickly reported in the media, and variously analyzed, criticized, and applauded.

Of course these findings should come as no huge shock. It's a no-brainer that your social network will influence when, what, and how much you eat. How many women find themselves gaining weight when they are in a relationship or get married, as they adjust their eating habits to the more lavish appetites of a male partner? And friendships and social gatherings lend themselves to eating and snacking, as well as fattening foods such as movie popcorn, hamburgers, pizza, etc.

In the drug addiction treatment community it is well known that a drug user probably won't be able to maintain sobriety unless he or she disassociates from friends who use drugs and alcohol. "Lose your using friends" is a common mantra. Instead the addict is encourage to surround himself with clean and supportive companions, like those encountered in AA meetings and other support groups.

In theory, that would be a good solution for weight control instead. Eschew your pizza and popcorn friends, and hook up with salad and vegetable eating, exercise loving associates.

But as with everything in weight loss, it's not that simple. First of all, food, unlike drugs, is not something you can just give up. You need food to survive. Weight loss and weight control requires learning to make good choices in food consumption, not depriving yourself of food altogether.

Second, your food-loving friends and family are not law-breaking addicts who are going to lead you to a life of crime. They just like food. And food is, undoubtedly, one of the greatest legal pleasures one can consume.

Third, are we saying that everyone should ostracize obese and overweight people for fear that it might rub off? And what if I am an obese or overweight person wanting to be friends with a thin person (perhaps hoping that the thin-ness might rub off on me)? Should that thin person refuse to have anything to do with me in case my weight issues are a bad influence on him or her?

Furthermore, that thin person might not be such a good influence anyway. It is quite possible that this skinny friend eats just as unhealthily as your former fat friends, and would thus be just as bad an influence on you. Worse, perhaps, if skinny can't comprehend why you want to avoid pizza because it is just too hard to only eat one piece.

The real solution can only be social isolation. If I didn't go out with friends at all, or go to any parties, and spent all my spare time working out, then I wouldn't have any bad influences or temptations and I would get thin for sure. Well... that is true. My weight loss success is due in part to exchanging food-filled socializing for exercising, and limiting my exposure to fattening foods. I am able to refuse most invitations to go out to eat when it interferes with my commitments to running and working out.

But that doesn't mean I have isolated myself. I arrange the social events around the workout schedule, and judiciously allow myself a few occasions when I ditch the Y to hang out with friends. When I do go out I usually eat the foods I consider good for myself (and avoid most alcohol), even if my friends are having burgers and fries and yummy cocktails.

Maybe your friends will actively support you in your weight loss efforts, or perhaps they will subtly sabotage you by leading you into food temptation situations. It's up to you how you react. If you think your friends are going to damage your weight control, maybe you do need to question your association. But hopefully you can enjoy your friends' companionship while still making your own responsible food choices. Ultimately, having friends and social support can only be good for your mental, and perhaps physical, health. And who knows, maybe your good example will rub off on them!